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[ashlie atomic]

[ website | counterparts and number them. ]
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i'm calm like a bomb. [07 Jul 2005|09:42pm]
[ mood | hot ]

it's one of those days
when nobody's home
and everyone's here
but you're all alone
it's one of those nights
where everyone's cold
but they're standing on ice
and it's all your fault
i feel this moment's been lasting for days
without even blinking
i've seen a million faces change
the way they look

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i get what i want. you get what you deserve. [01 Jul 2005|11:47am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

last night was absolutely amazing.

ryan came over to the house and we watched the game show network with my mom, sister, and brother. they all love ryan and that's extremely rare. we waited until about 8:30 where we then drove down to lancaster so ryan could get his credit card from the chameleon club. after that we went to the lyndon diner, but since i had eaten an awesome sub i wasn't hungry. we laughed and talked and just had an awesome time. it just felt good. it just felt so right. we went back to his house and continued to watch the game show network. lingo was on. my favorite. ryan drank beers and we tried to guess the answers on ben stein's money. we hugged and we kissed, which could've been for hours. i played with his hair and he tickled my feet. i haven't felt so comfortable in weeks. i ended up falling asleep on his couch until he woke me up to take me home. we held hands and kissed goodnight. hopefully in time everything will go back to the way it should be.. to the way it should've been.

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let me get my hands on your mamory glands [29 Jun 2005|12:52am]
[ mood | hungry ]

i can't wait to get the rest of my tattoo. hopefully soon. other than that, i hate your guts and i hope you choke.

2 comments|post comment

i told you i was thinking of moving east [25 Jun 2005|10:40am]
[ mood | content ]

i'm not even going to lie.. the past 4 days i was making myself sick over the fact i thought there was a good chance i had cancer. i went to the doctor today and she told me it's just a really infected lymph node. i'm on antibiotics now so it should be completely healed within the next 10 days. i got weighed as well and i'm extremely happy with the results.

tom's coming down today around 1 or 2. his band, ethereal collapse, is playing at the champion ship. i'm pretty sure i'm going to be meeting bobby there. later tonight the underwater's playing at the crowne plaza. i got one of those neat bracelets so now i can get into anywhere free that has anything to do with the millenium music conference. i had a good night last night, besides the fact that some hippie during quagmires swim team got paint all over my cute new shirt i had gotten just yesterday before the show. he said it was acrylic paint, so it should come out..hopefully. by the way, quagmires swim team is one awesome jam band.

josh, or oshua as i like to call him, is up from philly, it's so good to see him. i really do love my friends. i'll post pictures whenever i get some back from keith.

bobby: you're about the only person on the internet at 5am
bobby: haha
bobby: i would be lonely if you died
me: aww!
me: hahaha

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i'm bleeding and i'm heartless, but i'm yours. [22 Jun 2005|12:58am]
[ mood | discontent ]

today was indeed a lazy day. john and i didn't get out of bed until around 9pm. i spent the night their last night. we watched movied and just had fun. he bested me and gave me a bloody lip. it was fun. john's a good friend.

so why am i still sitting here with my head in my hands? why does ryan have to act like all we've ever been were friends? it's a huge kick in the face. was what i did that bad? bad enough to rip away someone's feelings for me like they were never even there? or is that just it? why do i have to feel sick to my stomach every time i think of dale? every time i see or hear his name, or randomly see him driving alonside us on the highway. why is it so hard to breathe?

bobby im'd me with some lyrics and told me that they reminded him of me, so i asked him to send it to me and he did. let me just tell you.. this song doesn't help me out any.

i spend my nights dead face down on my floor
but the drugs aren't really working anymore.
the nights are mostly just depressed
from staring at my open chest.
i'm bleeding and i'm heartless but i'm yours.
and i'm scratching down every blurry scene
on the mattress where you used to sleep and dream.
i'd rather chew on broken glass
than keep on living in the past,
and wasting time on words I know you didn't mean.

dear everybody or whoever's listening
i think i'm gonna do me in this time.
this is all overrated,
waiting on my roof again this is the end
of my so called life.

i haven't seen the sun in about a week
and i'm keeping all sharp objects out of reach.
i finally know the taste of love,
it's a cross between cheap beer and blood
with an aftertaste of dry sarcastic speech.
and so i guess it's safe to say
that we both knew that i'd end up this way,
with a brain that's clueless and unsure

and eyes that hardly ever work but
i guess that's fine i rarely use them anyway.

dear everybody or whoever's listening
i think i'm gonna do me in this time.
this is all overrated,
waiting on my roof again this is the end
of my so called life.

dear everybody or whoever's listening
i think i'm gonna do me in this time.
this is all overrated,
waiting on my roof again this is the end
of my so called life.

dear everybody or whoever's listening
i think i'm gonna do me in this time.
this is all overrated,
waiting on my roof again this is the end
of my so called life.

dear everybody, this is the end of my so called life.

2 comments|post comment

we talked all night, about everything you could imagine. [19 Jun 2005|05:21am]
[ mood | cranky ]

and i, i can see their eyes, but tell me something.. can they see mine? 'cause what's left to lose? i've done enough, and if i fail.. well then i fail, but i gave it a shot. these last three years, i know they've been hard, but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun.. even if it's alone.

even if it's alone.

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i've seen more spine in jelly fish. [18 Jun 2005|05:08am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

have another drink and drive yourself home.
i hope there's ice on all the roads,
and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

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the stars, they seem, to paint the most elaborate scene. [16 Jun 2005|01:25am]
[ mood | stressed ]

i'm hanging by a thread
just a tiny silver lining
god bless my perfect timing
there're pictures of you
states, lakes, and miles away
you left me alone
you left me afraid
of what will come
with the rising sun
behind blank stares
and shifting feet
beneath the sheets
and just for my sake
tell me what you taste
because when i close my eyes
i don't feel any warmer
but your burning eyes
they remind me of summer
summer brought the blackouts
spring brought the floods
fall brought us together
and winter ripped us apart
todays turned into yesterdays
tomorrow has fallen behind
spreading over the cracks of my face
easing away these feelings
everything has a place
and every look has meaning
but they're all so decieving
so where is yours?
so what was yours?

♥ashlie marie

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how do i get back to where i was? [15 Jun 2005|11:27pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i'm not running away, i'm simply moving on.

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so lovers, kiss each other. [14 Jun 2005|01:51am]
[ mood | confused ]

and here i dreamt i was a soldier
and i marched the streets of birkenau
and i recall in spring
the perfume that the air would bring
to the indolent town
where the barkers call the moon down
the carnival was ringing loudly now
and just to lay with you
there's nothing that i wouldn't do
save lay my rifle down

and try one, and try two
guess it always comes down to
alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

and i am nothing of a builder
but here i dreamt i was an architect
and i built this balustrade
to keep you home, to keep you safe
from the outside world
but the angles and the corners
even though my work is unparalelled
they never seemed to meet
this structure fell about our feet
and we were free to go

and try one, and try two
guess it always comes down to
alright, okay, guess it's better to turn this way

and here in spain i am a spaniard
i will be buried with my marionettes
countess and courtesan
will fall 'neath my tender hand
when their husbands were not around
but you, my soiled teenage girlfriend
or are you furrowed like a lioness
and we are vagabonds
we travel without seatbelts on
we live this close to death

and try one, and try two
guess it always comes down to
alright, okay, guess it's better to turn this
but i won, so you lose
guess it always comes down to
alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

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shoot me in the face. [13 Jun 2005|02:53pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i've never been in so much pain. i'm doubting if going down to the beach was even worth it. the backs of my legs are extremely sunburnt. no matter what other part of my body is sunburnt, the pain is drowned out by my throbbing legs. i can't extend my legs. i can't stop crying, that's how bad it hurts. i keep smearing them with cooling sprays and aloes, but it hurts just as bad. work called and said i need a doctor's excuse and they'll talk to me about this. i know that means they're going to fire me. i couldn't go to work today and i most likely won't be able to go to work tomorrow either. i can't walk, i'm afraid i'll never be able to walk right again. i walk like a cripple, even my cat is afraid of me. i'm going to go lay on my stomach in the air conditioning and cry in excrutiating pain.

3 comments|post comment

beach bums, literally. [11 Jun 2005|11:43pm]
[ mood | excited ]

change of plans.. amanda and i are leaving for ocean city, maryland in t minus five minutes. i'll be back later tomorrow. talk about spontaneous.

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i should have given you a reason to stay. [11 Jun 2005|04:30pm]
[ mood | drained ]

i'm trying to keep it together, but i'm falling apart.

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all so different, yeah, i say we're all the same. [10 Jun 2005|01:36am]
[ mood | full ]

tuesday ryan and i took a trip down to the ottobar in baltimore, maryland. we saw a wilhelm scream, some shitty band called brazil, and lawrence arms. i can proudly say i attended lawrence arms's 721st show. the methadones opened up the show, but ryan and i got there late and decided to go get something to eat first. i was highly impressed with both a wilhelm scream and lawrence arms. during brazil's set the bassist from lawrence arms walked past ryan and i and ryan swore that he was checking me out. i just think ryan's a big fat liar. we left halfway through the lawrence arms set, because the bassist was drunk and his bass sounded like farts. amazingly we made it home a little after midnight.

today i slept through my alarm. i was supposed to be at work by 10. whoops. i know i'm going to get shit when i go in later today around 11:15. whatever, fuck that place. anyways, tonight amanda asked me if i wanted to join her in going down to ocean city, maryland next thursday/friday. i agreed. it sounds like a much needed mini vacation. no matter what i will always love amanda. we haven't spent nearly enough time together the past few months, but i bet we'll be able to rekindle everything during those two days of sun, sand, waves, boardwalks, and liquor. my next paycheck is dedicated to my mini beach trip.

i'm pretty sure operation ivy is one of my new favorite bands thanks to ryan♥

i should probably go write. i'm so full of prose i'm bursting with poetry.

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i miss you more than i knew [08 Jun 2005|03:09am]
[ mood | restless ]

"we had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave."

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when i see you, i really see you upside down [05 Jun 2005|01:21am]
[ mood | awake ]

since i couldn't go to the lebowskis show at the chameleon i decided to meet up with the beautiful ashley amazing at the champion ship. a utopian skyline ruled as usual. it was good to see bradley, aaron, and the rest of the boys. i saw jenn and don which was a huge surprise. elora's walking now and jenn's belly's getting bigger. i wonder if this one will be a boy. i was surprised to see evan at the show. i love that kid. so i watched a utopian skyline and dead hearts. dead hearts were awesome. i'm pretty sure they just recently got signed to ferrett records. the dancing sucked. these 15 year olds can't two-step to any rhythm for shit. oh yeah, saw chris croft at the show as well. we had a good old time laughin' it up. after the show evan, miss amazing, and i went to denny's. the gay waiter totally hit on me asking me if i wanted sausage with my chicken fingers. okay.. he said sauces, but he even admitted he had a lisp. ashley got picked up by some friends and evan and i came back to my house. at the bottom of this page you will see pictures of the two most stuck up snobs ever. since we're bffaer we have to hang out more. we went over to holly's and i painted holly's nails. i came back home and called ryan. he said he was kind of drunk and some guy puked all over his foot. hahaha. i hope he's having fun, but i hope he's being careful as well. so i think i'm supposed to be hanging out with jp tomorrow. he better not stand me up. god, we're so fucking cool. then again.. i'm just plain awesome.

the wonders known as ashlie & evan

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it's something so stupid, just like me. [03 Jun 2005|06:03pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

so i changed my layout.. kinda. whatever. when i actually have more time maybe i'll make it look pretty. i walked to and from work today in the rain. i was not a happy camper.. in fact i was a drenched and angry camper. ryan came over last night around 1:30am or so after the lebowskis show at gullfity's. they're playing a show tomorrow at the chameleon club, but for course it's 21+ so i can't go. 'eh whatever. i work tomorrow again. 10-4. i'd appreciate it if someone would just shoot me in the face. i should probably change and stuff. ryan and i are going to be bums this evening. we're just going to sit around, eat pizza, and watch movies. he wants to rent aviator and i want to watch dawn of the dead. i fucking love zombies. so if anyone wants to hang out this weekend get ahold of me.. somehow. when i get the extra cash i'll be buying minutes for my cell phone, until then you can usually get ahold of me by either emailing me/iming me, randomly seeing me out somewhere, or calling my house and being graced by god if you actually get ahold of me. someone buy me a fucking ice cream cone.

the fucking end.

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only those who accept find that acceptance in return. [03 Jun 2005|12:10am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i hate being angry, but it just seems to happen too often for my liking. what can i say? i'm an irritable person. the smallest things irk me and set me off. i don't think i ask for much, so when i don't get what i ask for.. i get pissy. i'm sick of hearing the same things over and over again. the same excuses. they're getting worn and i'm getting tired. i haven't written anything in awhile, maybe i should do that soon, because i need some sort of release before i explode and particles start flying. ions and atoms. i'm irritated, i don't want to go to work, i don't want to have to walk there, i'm sick of the shitty pay and outrageous labor, i hate being stressed, i just want to unwind and relax, my anxiety doesn't allow that to happen. with each passing minute i become more and more angry. i smoke more and more cigarettes. this is horrible. fuck.

mental note: download codeseven.

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you could cash your beauty in, you could give yourself away. [01 Jun 2005|02:55am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

should your sun refuse to shine
should your moon be painted blue
if the earth should open up
and swallow all you knew
well, you could take all that is mine
because i'd still belong to you
because i'm breathing just for you

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when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine. [31 May 2005|02:42am]
[ mood | drained ]

so i've actually developed some sort of life lately. i usually work, sleep, eat, and hang out with ryan. i sold ryan's younger brother, logan, my bowl. there was no point in having it since i don't smoke pot anymore, especially when i could get extra cash out of it. so tonight ryan and i went out to eat at the cracker barrell since this guy ryan helped out at work gave him a free dinner pass for two. needless to say since it was all free we stuffed our faces. i got a steak and a milkshake. delicious. after dinner we went back to his parents house and watched this cheesy sylvester stalone flick from 1987 called "over the top" and "fear and loathing in las vegas." we always have so much fun. even though it felt right before, i'm glad we're official now. he still has some issues with his ex sam, and dale and i never even talk anymore. i get my first paycheck tomorrow.. er.. today, which is pretty rad. it's probably going to be shit, but it's money, and money's always good. i need to start saving money. there are so many things i want to buy and/or do. first off, i want a camera. second off, i want tattooes. third off, i need a better job. fourth off, i need to go out and meet new people/make new friends.

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